Will J. J.

Day-to-day musings and occasional short stories for your delight.


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Car Window

Car Window

 

Hey guys,

 

Today I wanted to share a poem I’ve been working on. I had a thought recently about the very essence of riding in a car, and how much that has changed for me since I was a little boy. This poem is a translation of that thought’s conclusion. Hope you enjoy it 🙂

 

Car Window

 

Gazing through to the world beyond,

The glass window, ever beside you,

Cruising down the winding asphalt,

Hills and plains rolling gently past.

 

Shifting focus to sights nearby,

A patch of grass, by the roadside,

A branching tree, atop the green.

At last, you draw them into view,

Out of the constant blur of speed,

Reaching out to them with your eyes,

A lone moment of clarity,

Before they’re gone, swept behind you.

 

Your gaze drifts into the distance,

Houses clustered, etching the bluffs,

Faraway mountains, standing tall,

Massive cities, sprawling and bright.

Passing slowly, distant landmarks,

As if you were barely moving.

 

Riding up familiar roadways,

Fingers tracing along the glass,

On the cold, wintry weather days.

Every bump and turn, routine,

The daily trip you know so well.

New, unknown routes still excite you,

Concrete webbed for thousands of miles,

Skirting peaks and dodging water.

 

Years pass, your position changes,

Passenger to watchful driver,

Your gaze forward, the road ahead,

Fewer moments to peer aside,

Allowing your mind to wander,

And take in the beautiful view.

 

But when you do, so seldom now,

You recall that soothing feeling,

The world passing, both fast and slow.

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Hospital Room

Day 3304

photo (31)     Hello my friends! My apologies for the lengthy absence! Truth be told, my mind has simply been elsewhere, but I have a ton to show with you guys before the end of the year. First off, I wanted to share a short piece I wrote recently inspired by an experience of mine. I tried to capture the bizarre and anxious nature of waiting in the hospital room for a diagnosis. I hope you enjoy it, and I will be posting again shortly! 🙂

 

Hospital Room

Lying in bed, the nurses rush past. The translucent curtain flutters in their wake. Robotic beeps sound out of sync. A man screams from a nearby room, crying out in pain as the doctors struggle to pin him down. His cries echo our silent fears. I lay my head down and try to forget where I am. The IV in my arm pinches ever so slightly, yet I cannot seem to ignore it. They have already taken my blood and run several tests; all that comes now is the waiting.

The suspense is always the worst part, those long moments between knowing and not. Perhaps my chest pain was caused by something as simple as stress or a muscle strain, but maybe not. Maybe I have a chronic cardiovascular condition that will haunt me for the rest of my life, and which I am only about to discover. Maybe there is a life-threatening blood clot in my lung that will require immediate action to remove.

My mind runs wild, latching onto the most severe possibilities with fervor. Shutting my eyes, I remind myself that I’m otherwise perfectly healthy, eat well, and exercise more than regularly. But what if? I could be that one person with a congenital heart defect or a genetic predisposition to easily clogged arteries. Oh, lucky me. One in a million has never felt so undesirable. The difference between an all-clear and all-is-lost depends solely on the doctor’s words.

Again, I lay my head back and push my mind in other directions. With each set of hurried footsteps outside, I grow more and more antsy, imagining each set destined for me. The pain comes and goes unpredictably. Just when I think it might be nothing after all, the stab returns in full force. Tubes and wires rest draped all around, monitoring my every level and beat. I overhear a doctor joking with his colleagues, his witty comment drawing a smile to my face. The light in my room remains dim, though one bulb flickers irritably.

A slow step approaches, drawing to a stop in front of my curtain. I peek at his dark shoes from across the room, recognizing them as the doctor’s. Lifting my head, he remains just beyond the barrier. I can only wait.


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Dreams

Dreams

photo (25)

 

Day 3147

I’ve had some interesting dreams the past couple of days. I remember most of my dreams, and I’ve gotten into the habit of writing them down as soon as I wake up, so after a few years of that, I’ve collected a broad range of dreams. Some are mundane and are clearly influenced by my thoughts during the day. Others are so fantastical and bizarre that they leave me thinking for days or longer, and those often serve as the inspirations for my writings. The last two dreams I’ve remembered have been those sorts of quizzical experiences.

Last night, my dream was very simple. I was walking down an empty road at night. Streetlights lit the middle of the road every hundred feet or so. Passing by a building on the right, I stopped in front of a novelty shop. There was a sign in the window that read “everything is on sale!” in bright, red letters. As I peered into the store beyond, I realized that the space was empty. There were no shelves and no displays, only two mannequins, completely bare, placed directly in front of the window. I remember feeling oddly puzzled and wondering, just before I woke up, how much the mannequins would cost. A peculiar dream to say the least, though I will say that roads have been a common theme for me, both in my dreams and in my writings.

My dream from two nights ago was far simpler, at least the portion that I remember. Normally, my dreams are filled with vivid imagery, but this one was the first I’ve ever had that was completely devoid of images. It was also the shortest dream I’ve ever had. All the dream consisted of was a voice whispering me a question. “If you could change any one thing, what would it be?” That was it. A single question, but that question has remained at the forefront of my mind ever since. I started wondering, what WOULD I change? If I could truly change anything, anything at all, what would I even want to change? Would I alter some event in time, past, present, or future? Would I modify some feature of myself? Would I make all humans green?

 

The enormity of the question struck me hard, and in the two days since, I have come no closer to an answer. What frightens me about this question is the fact that, even if I focus solely on what I would change in my own life, I’m not necessarily certain what it is that I would want. I’ve always been a very driven person with goals to strive for. For the first time ever, I am on the cusp of being utterly in control of my life. I have a great job (two jobs, actually), a degree, a published novel, and I will be debt free in a few short months. In a sense, the question is real for me because I do have the power to transform my life, to make a change. Perhaps wise or perhaps foolish, I’ve spent a great deal of my life resisting the things that I want in favor of the things I feel are right and those that serve a greater purpose, to the point that I have trouble giving in to my own desires or even listening to them. It may sound silly, but I’m not good at wanting things lol. Clearly I have some soul-searching to do.

Any thoughts or advice, friends? If you could change any one thing, what would it be?


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Questions

Day 3083

Image

Questions

 

 

 

Do you remember

the subtle way

that laughter grows

and children play?

 

Will you forget

the fallen tree,

that led you here,

so light and free?

 

Have you chosen

the wayward path,

or do you suffer

an empty wrath?

 

Do you fear

long bygone days,

or is your road

lost in the haze?